I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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