walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
