Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
