it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Everyone says I win the strip club
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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