i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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