I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
