I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
