I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
