erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i wish my penis had a tongue
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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