she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
