I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
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