She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
