girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
