the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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