its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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