the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
