Please, let me fuck your mom
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
