So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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