i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
