it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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