Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
