I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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