Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize