Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
