He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
