Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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