He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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