it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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