just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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