Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
