i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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