i already hear my dad disowning me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
