it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
