He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
