get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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