I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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