So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
