i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
