im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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