Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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