for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
