I can tuck mytits in my pants
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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