you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
