I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
pop tarts are not kleenex
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize