someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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