Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Let's get the cat blown out
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
