My cat gives me a boner
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
