Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
