I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Everything about him screamed your future.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
