i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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