I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
