Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
