So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
