never play flip cup with pint glasses
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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