Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
