Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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