erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize