yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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