I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
