now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
