Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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