i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
