i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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