thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
